Hope is All You Need

The journey has been exciting, tiring, breathtaking and stressful. One week ago we packed up our car, just days after getting married, to start the trek back to Ohio. Driving from Denver to Santa Fe we stopped at the Great Sand Dunes along the way, a dream of ours since we first heard about them when we moved to Colorado. We then went from New Mexico -> Texas -> Oklahoma -> Arkansas -> Tenessee -> Ohio (More on that road trip SOON over on the camping blog). Now we are Ohio residents but just for a couple of months.

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Every time I go outside I look for the mountains and I notice that Ohio is not as sunny as Denver. Every. Single. Time. Things in Ohio seems much different now but it is not the place that has changed, it’s me. I found my way to a place that I love to call home and I will keep that in mind as I face this little road bump slowing down my mountain plans.  It’s like being stuck behind a slow RV or truck who won’t pull over on the way up to RMNP, you know?

Now back to the Ohio happenings. My dad is almost done renovating the house we will live in (it is my childhood home!). We are hoping to move in at the end of this week or early next week. Once we have our own space this Cleveland living may start to feel more normal. We are missing the mountains but we are trying to find activties that fuel our need for adventure. We are currently thinking of adding rock climbing and ax throwing to the agenda next week!

Since I am determined to find the best in every difficult situtation (ex: moving to Ohio) here it goes with my treatment plan. I have officially begun treatment. Today I receieved the second of two pills (I was waiting for assistance because one of the pills costs $10,000 PER MONTH!) that I will take daily so that means today is day ONE of the new battle plan against this shit. It is crazy to me that I just moved back to Ohio to get drugs prescribed by a doctor. I am one of those people who has always been so against taking any pills to help this or that unless absolutely necessary. I won’t even take ibuprofen when I have a headache. I just deal with it, maybe bust out the essential oils, but suck it up and tough it out. It is very difficult knowing that the only way to battle this, at the moment, is by using something I am so against but I will give it a shot because I have to.

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So day 1 is just fine. I went to a yoga class this morning, I made lunch, scheduled a few doc appts, took a few drugs, and I am alive, living, breathing and planning my next adventure (shocking!). These drugs may be something that I am against but I am also against dying before accomplishing even half of my life goals. I know this is harsh but I can’t seem to get it out of my head. Here’s why…

This one Oncologist in Denver (the one who initially  broke the news to me) told me I probably had about three years. He said he would be surprised if I was alive in 20 years. That shit really hits hard. Not just the day he called (even though it was 9pm the day before my birthday) but every single day, I think about the words he said. Lately, I have been practicing to push those very words along everytime they come up in my head. I will move past those thoughts and I will not judge myself for letting them creep into my day. As much as I want to forget them, they won’t go away yet. This doctor has data to support this but what hurt me the most is the fact that he took away my hope for a few hours, maybe a day or two. The words he said affected me so much and they still do. Good news is, I got my hope back and I refuse to see this doctor again because of the way he presented MY life to me. He doesn’t get to take my hope away. His role was to help me heal and fight this.

So that is why I mention wanting to be alive over not wanting to take pills. The living breathing, adventure-planning LIFE definitely trumps not wanting to take pills. SO here is to day one – I am off to have a tea party with my great friend, Kelsey!

Plans for day two include doing more research on natural ways to add years onto my life,  practicing yoga, and who knows – maybe another tea party!

Please feel free to share any alternative medicine/foods that you have heard of to help combat cancer – I am always looking for new ideas to research.

Stay Hopeful,

Paige

 

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